


cupcakes crack and cpoverty

by anarchopeachy



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Baking, Homophobia, I will add more tags as I go along, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misogyny, making cupcakes together uwu, this is my first fic im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchopeachy/pseuds/anarchopeachy
Summary: right unity because more people in this fandom need to capitalize on it
Relationships: Anarcho-Capitalist/White Identitarian | Nazi (Centricide)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 38





	cupcakes crack and cpoverty

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think there are any slurs in this but there may be some in future chapters-- guess who says them. i think most people should be aware of this when you add a nazi to a fic tho lol

Authright carefully took a cupcake tray out of the oven with thick oven mitts, the sweet smell of fresh baking filling the kitchen.

The lefties were gone. Away at some book club thing, probably discussing larpy nerd shit that would never happen in a just world. And the house had been too blissfully quiet for Authright to resist. Slinking out of his dark room at 11:30 PM, he let himself indulge in his hobby, just this once, since living in a stupid communal home.

He surveyed his creations: two full trays of plump, fudgy cupcakes decorated with cute little red liners that he had pilfered from the cupboard. He had rummaged through boxes and boxes of sugary cereals and loaves of bread and chips just to find them. God, were carbs the only thing that the others ate? 

This thought struck him as he narrowed his eyes down at the counter, realizing that he had made too many. He couldn’t store them in the fridge, he thought, internally groaning at the terrifying thought of the leftists finding them and teasing him for engaging in a hobby designated for the femoids. Maybe he'd be able to convince them that his grandma gave the cupcakes to him? Either way, Ancom would surely eat all of them if he left them in the fridge. That feral degenerate didn’t deserve his baking! He would have to find some sort of hiding spot.

In the meantime, though, he had to ice a  _ lot _ of cupcakes. He filled a bag full of rich, chocolately homemade icing (his Oma's recipe) and began to work. Focusing in, he absentmindedly hummed  _ Deutschlandlied  _ as he swirled the icing with a practiced, steady perfection.

He froze when he heard footsteps in the other room. 

Ice chilled in his veins. Had the leftists come back early? He looked down at his apron, suddenly regretting tying the back in a complicated bow. It was too late to take it off. The shame spread to his face at the impending doom of Ancom's neverending teasing. And Tankie's choked up, booming laughs at how  _ effeminate  _ he looked in the moment.

But, to Authright's slight relief, it was only Ancap. 

Ancap wouldn’t care if he saw him like this, and certainly wouldn’t tell the leftists (at least, as long as he paid him). He seemed to barely even register Authright’s presence as he walked in the room, staring down at his phone with a blank expression.

Authright tried focusing back down at his work. Ancap paced at the other side of the room, emanating stress in his posture, biting down on his nails subconsciously. Authright became more and more impatient as the minutes ebbed on and neither of the two interacted with each other. Were anarchists always this rude, not addressing their superiors like this?

"Hi, Ancap.” Authright’s tone came out somewhat jeering by default. 

Ancap flinched as if he didn’t even notice the other man in the room before. He dragged his eyes away from his phone and plastered on a smile, “Oh, hello, Authright.” 

“Are you alright?” Authright was uncomfortable with the energy he was exuding and narrowed his eyes. 

The other man's smile drooped down into a frown and he massaged his forehead. "Sorry. The stocks for my oil company just dropped 2 points. Damn Anprim Luddites destroying shit in my  _ very humane _ factories.” He dramatically fell onto the couch. “I think I’m just stressing myself out. Need to unplug for a bit.”

Authright glanced down at the rows of uniced cupcakes. He would need to finish them quickly before the others got home. And he was feeling pretty good, even a little generous today. He was in a better mood than his usual rotten disposition, at least. 

"Well, if you're not doing anything better with your time, then you can help me with these.”

Ancap glanced up from the couch, a bit surprised. "What?"

"Icing. These cupcakes," Authright was already irritated. For someone who constantly lectured the others about the efficiency of unfettered capitalism, Ancap was perhaps the laziest person he knew.

“Oh. Uh, sure.” He forced himself to put down his phone on the counter and picked himself off the couch, hesitantly drifting towards Authright.

His eyes flit to the cupcakes on the counter and the ends of his lips tipped up into a smile. "They look great. You're a good worker! Very efficient."

Authright didn’t respond. He held out an icing bag, giving him an investigative stare as the other man hesitantly took it out of his hands. Their relationship had almost always been one of terse respect, an unspoken but nevertheless clear acknowledgment of the others' status and abilities as Rightist Ideologies. Or, of course, you could also call it mutual disrespect. At the very least, they almost  _ never _ outwardly complimented each other. Ancap was acting weird.

And to Authright's greater irritation, he was awful at basic cupcake decoration. He pushed too hard and icing spurted in a sugary sweet pile all over the cupcake.

Authright gawked at him. “If you’re going to mess them up--"

“Fuck, sorry, sorry,” He looked down at Authright. “Sorry for messing up. I’ll eat it.”

Authright eyed him weirdly as he ravenously shoved the cupcake in his mouth and ate it in more or less two bites. He definitely wasn't in the right headspace, or he just sucked at very basic skills from being coddled by his rich parents.

Authright sighed. "Here. Watch me." 

He placed his hands on the icing bag that was still in the taller man's hands. He carefully dragged the icing over a cupcake with constant pressure, leading along Ancap's hands. Pulling away, their hands brushed gently and Authright could feel his stomach flip. 

Ancap furrowed his brow. "Ok, I think I got it. I'll try again."

Ancap hunched over to work on the second cupcake.

Authright carefully watched Ancap as the man bit down on his lip in concentration, his curly dark hair plastered on his face underneath his fedora. Even though he was an annoyance and probably a jew, Authright could at least appreciate his company more than the headstrong Communist, who was practically always under the spell of the degenerate brat. Ancap never cared about pestering him to change his ideology like the leftists. Authright knew it was just a matter of time before he could convince him of the necessity of the state-- unless he was blind, Ancap should already be aware of the pipeline between them. Authright just had to close that gap and bring him completely over.

Ancap awkwardly smiled. "What do you think?"

"What?"

"The cupcake."

"Oh." Authright suddenly realized that he had been intensely staring at the other and averted his eyes down to the table. 

The cupcake was shaky, yes, and had points of uneven pressure, yes, but was at least presentable. "It's ok. Keep working, though." 

Ancap let out a little chuckle, his usual light, playful demeanor slowly coming back and replacing the previous ball of stress.

Authright focused back down to his cupcake next to the other rightist, returning back to his rumination. Imagine that-- them working together to build a functioning capitalist society that also got purged all the inferiors. Commie was too powerful to have as a reliable ally, wielding the full power of the state just like him, but Ancap just wanted to stay rich and have his private property. Yes, he could do it. Authright just had to whip him into shape. Get him to stop his degeneracy.

Authright had already been successful in getting him over to his side in the past-- they had bonded over gleefully making the weak suffer (aka watching SJW cringe compilations together).

Before long, Ancap had gotten the hang of it. He was even going faster than Authright at some points, chuckling and prodding with his elbow at him as though it was some sort of competition. Authright didn't ready care, his cupcakes looked cleaner and better in the end anyway.

"And… we're done." Authright swirled the last one.

"Good job!" Ancap held out a high five. When Authright didn't return it, he grabbed the other man's hand and jammed them together.

Authright flinched, twisting out of the embrace. "Don't touch me, you jew." He snatched the empty icing bag out of Ancap's hands, turning away to conceal the blush spreading on his face. 

Ancap only laughed. "What now?"

Authright took a moment to compose and straighten himself before responding. "I just need to hide the cupcakes before the libtards get home."

"You're not even gonna eat any of them?" 

"Nah. I don't like cake. And the icing is too sweet for me."

"Then what's the point--" Ancap gaped at him, incredulous. "You're an enigma, Nazi."

"It's just the family recipe. I never learned anything else," he shrugged, throwing away the icing bags in the trash as well as paper towels on top to hide any evidence. "But I don't want the leftists to find and eat them. I'm not willingly redistributing my property. Plus I don't want them to know I engaged in a feminine activity."

"I guess I can understand the private property thing. But I don't think they would really care if you baked?"

"Come on, Ancap," Authright gave him a dead stare as he untangled the bow on the back of his apron. "The kitchen is for the wife."

"I think you're the only one in this household that actually cares about that sort of stuff," Ancap leaned on the counter. "You seemed like you enjoyed doing it. If it's enjoyable for you, I don't understand why you need to limit yourself." 

"You sound like the degenerate. He's been rubbing off on you," he laughed. "Whatever. I didn't expect you to understand."

“You’re so uptight.” Ancap huffed. His eyes suddenly lit up and he snapped his fingers. “I have a refrigerator in my room, if you want to put them there!”

Authright thought for a moment. “Isn’t that where you keep your stores of drugs and weeds and cracks? I don’t want your degeneracy leaking into my stuff.”

Ancap rolled his eyes. “Do not fright, Nazi, my cultural Marxism won’t leak into your cupcakes. I keep my merchandise hidden well so no one can find it. Besides I wouldn’t let you get near it in the first place-- that is, unless, you’re willing to pay.”

“Whatever.” Scoffing, Authright started loading the cakes into a container. “But I know your tricks, Ancap. You don’t give stuff away for free. What’s in it for you?”

“Technically, I should be asking  _ you  _ that question. Because you’re just giving me cupcakes for free that you have no intention of eating yourself.”

Authright shut the lid closed and put the container at his hip, his resolve leaking out every second he talked. Despite how perpetually shady Ancap was at all times, he really had no other options. "Fine. Lead the way."

"Gladly." 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time actually publishing fanfic so i hope it is alright so far-- feel free to leave feedback, comments, anything. i felt guilty because i really like centricide fics but i hadn't contributed any myself ;D 
> 
> also i wrote a lot of this when i was really into right unity but i probably prefer authunity now uwu


End file.
